i admit it: sometimes the moment and the surroundings influence my behavior. and the other day while speaking with magadh in little italy, which is now more like little china than little italy, i really stepped into my character. sure, magadh exaggerates, but i did inform him that he would be in big trouble if he left me and the blog hanging. what is great is that he actually bought the goomba gag. sure, i am of french stock and i have relatives named after certain corsican bandits, all of which helped me convince mags that vito would harm his pussy, but what a sucker.
very little information comes to us during the interlull. we have our teams of agents and operatives out there scouring what is available in the world of timbers, and, as would be expected, very little has been dug up. between the lads planting trees for goodwill and merritt tweeting about some sheesh charitable event with overpaid basketballers, we are left wondering what will happen in the next couple weeks.
i know many of you may be curious how well steve purdy, the rodwall, and facepalmer are doing with their respectively small national squads, but do not look to us for that information. we may consider ourselves international men of intrigue, but we are not intrigued by the national game in the least. alright, i do have some info that may either assuage your concern regarding facepalmer or ignite your continued disdain for the sensitive boy.
yes, our new favorite player-villain is now on international duty which means little for the timbers and even less for the jamaican national side. now, he may not be the greatest of right backs, or even a passable defensive midfielder, but he is still a timber. as a player he has as much worth as tits on a boar. and as an ambassador of goodwill amongst the supporters, well, he is even less adept. i imagine being the butt of continued derision from the timbers faithful begins to wear on a fella. but he is still a timber and because of that I feel compelled to provide you an update of his interlull performances.
jamaica lost to footballing powerhouse guatemala 2-1. but for a penalty conceded in the early parts of the second half, the guatemalans would have easily covered the jamaicans. instead, facepalmer and the reggae boys were beaten in the late minutes of the match. obviously disappointing for the jamaicans, but conceding late goals for a loss is something lovel has become accustomed (i am certain he used his experiences to comfort his jamaican teammates)–perhaps he was showing the interim ginger that he still has the qualities to part of this current timbers squad. i am sure gavin would have watched the match had pressing general managerial issues not arisen to take him away down under to lower oceania in search of the next ian hogg.
steve purdy did not play for el salvador, which surprises me not at all given he does not play for anyone—even the timbers. what does surprise me is that the rodwall made a cameo substitution for el salvador’s opponents, costa rica. the match was heavily contested with 2 straight reds awarded to the el Salvadorans and 7 cards total. it is unclear whether elements of ms-13 have infiltrated the el salvadoran national squad, but their tactics most obviously were taken from the notorious street gang. i question how the costa rican national coach would expect the rodwall to fortify the leaky costa rican defense against thugs with violent pedigrees, but he did and rodwall was brought in during the minutes of their loss.
while i am talking about *cough* international players *cough*, i want to return to facepalmer in order to briefly address some things about his issues. this last week he took to twatterverse, cutting timbers supporters into two factions–those that are real supporters and those that are fake supporters. the obvious distinction is you cannot be a real timbers supporter if you do not treat lovel with love, kindness, and respect. since his very public twatter tantrum, hordes of conversations, tweets, texts, memes, and blags have circled through the back streets and dimly lit alleyways that connect the timbers faithful with one another. one of the best articles posted is by none other than kevin alexnader over at slide rule pass.
i will not explore too heavily the ramifications of his public tantrum, but i do have a few thoughts. this is not the first time facepalmer has taken all of his toys and gone home when supporters have questioned his abilities. clearly, facepalmer is a sensitive little fella. his temper tantrums are amusing, but sad. but the bottom line is this: he is a professional footballer, if in name only, and must be aware that he is playing in an involved and passionate market. it should not be surprising to him that he is and will be scrutinized by the timbers supporters, nor should it be surprising that they have criticized his awful play. we supporters care and because we care we look at every aspect of the game. if that close analysis hits a nerve, perhaps it should impress upon him the necessity to improve his performances on the pitch rather than whinge about his lack of popularity off the pitch.
facepalmer’s desire to be popular with both factions of supporters reminds me of emmanuel eboue, another right back of limited talent and use. currently, eboue plays for fenerbache, but before that demotion in league quality he played for the other team close to this blog’s heart–arsenal. actually, what he did was less similar to playing than it was to vaudevillian comedy. the zenith of his derision came when he was substituted only 6 minutes into his role as a substitute. he walked off the pitch to a chorus of boos. arsenal supporters typically do not boo their players–they are an intelligent, civilized, and appreciative crowd. but when he left the pitch he was booed and booed loudly by the entire 60000+ in attendance that night. i imagine tackling your own player had the unintended effect of gasoline on a fire. but rather than sulking through a selfish sense of victimization, eboue used his experience to improve his relations with the team and the supporters. while never risking legendary status as a player for arsenal, he is a cult figure and well-loved. you know why this happened? because he took that moment of embarrassment and grew from the abuse.
a little lesson for sensitive lovel—stop moaning and start playing. even mike chabala, who i believe was even more limited than lovel when it came to positional and defensive play, was loved by the timbers faithful. he was a horrible player, but he got it—he understood how the timbers faithful will love a player if he tries both on and off the pitch.
finally, it was great meeting up with many peeps last night at the bitter end. your praise for this blog was rather humbling. thank you for reading.
alright, i am off to do some other type of work that requires my attention. enjoy your Sunday.